Today I was rudely awakened by the bumbling male humandropping something heavy down the back of my castle, after some choice words of which I will not repeat he finally switched on my sun bed. I have tried hinting that I can wait till he’s had his first cup of tea or to just let the female human that knows what she’s doing to just do it.
After a whole 3 seconds of sitting in my sunbed I adeptlymove over to my favourite watching brick, I’m rather hoping he didn’t notice my rather unflattering fall/leap and I can keep up appearances of having the grace of a gazelle. Plus, he is no one to judge as I have watched trip many times over his ridiculous shark slippers.
I’m presented with a bowl of fresh dandelion leaves, usuallymy favourite but today I feel like chard, so I give them my best eye roll and a sniff of disgust. The display is met with silence and the kettle being switched back on. I’m then left to my own devices to have a scratch about, move things to where they should be and to have my allotted sun bed time. Its quite a chore to stay this handsome.
Finally, its bug time, hazzzzaahhhh. I’m unceremoniously scoopedout of my chamber and plonked on the bendy bit of a humans leg. I let it go as I can see the unknowing locusts in front of me. I get a good scratch in all my favourite places, but I must keep up appearances and hope they don’t notice I’m falling into a bit of a trance. Well, until I’m rudely brought back into the
room by that infernal dog that must be involved in everything. My anger subsides though when it sneezes from the calci dust my locusts are dipped in after it tried to steal my meal.
Next is bath time, my humans have finally worked out I willonly poop when I’m bobbing around in my porcelain country home. The water was a fine temperature, but it did take a death glare from me until they left me to get on with my business. After the task was completed and I had a paddle about they returned with my warmed towel for my “after dip” cuddles. They came in a
little earlier than I thought and I’m rather hoping they didn’t catch me blowing bubbles.
I’m then swaddled on the sofa where I get a lick in theeyeball from the ridiculous staffy and a good half hour of judging the awful tosh my humans watch on the tele and laid back into my fluffy bed where I immediately move to somewhere more uncomfortable. They keep thinking they’ve put it in the right place but this is just a small game I play for my own amusement. It was a goodnights sleep even if I did fall asleep with my mouth open and my tongue hanging out, so undignified.
